Cracked open


Something happened to me yesterday at the Hayhouse Ignite conference. I was going to write a Facebook status about it but realised there was so much I had to say, so I decided to write a blog post instead. I had so many ‘aha’ moments and resonated with so many things, it was like everyone was talking directly to me. I think everybody there felt the same, as that is why all our path’s had lead us to our seats. It was really an amazing feeling.

I’ve been on this path for a while now, feeling a sense of who I needed to be and who I was deep down. I lived in a world of self destruction, ego, judgement, madness, everything a hundred miles an hour, fakeness, addiction.. But the universe mirrors what you send out so it was sending me back a whole load of shit but with little things that were trying to tell me something. I knew it wasn’t really who I was and I had a burning desire to help people, but I didn’t understand the messages.

As David Hamilton said ‘things arrive into your life to heal you’. This literally brought tears to my eyes as I know that that was the exact reason I was sent my son. For a long time things would happen to me and I would always think (as I was so not in touch with my spiritual side back then) but why does this keep happening to me? Now I know why and things won’t go away until it teaches you what you need to know. I was meant to have  a little boy with allergies that would then put me in the longest rehab ever lol (ya can’t drink and party for two days when your breastfeeding ha) and would teach me exactly who I was supposed to be, and completely reorganise my beliefs and guide me into a whole new lifestyle.

I always had a barrier up, never let anyone too close, but when I did that I had my heart broken (everyone has been there right?) but do you know what… we aren’t all on the same journey. All our journeys are different. Who I’m supposed to be isn’t who someone else is supposed to be. As Gabby Bernstein said ‘In your defencelessness, your safety lies’ and ‘The wound is the place where the light enters you’.. Thank the wound! And it’s so true. If I hadn’t of been hurt and felt vulnerable and low, I would never have found what I was capable of and what my true life purpose is.

To quote David Hamilton again.. there are four stages. I’m not enough.. I’ve had enough.. I am enough.. and.. I AM. This is where I AM now. I’ve been there.. I’ve felt like shit, I’ve had enough, I’ve realised I am enough and now I JUST AM! After talking with a friend yesterday I realised exactly what I have created. A few years ago I couldn’t bake a cake for shit but now Ive made a recipe book that is suitable for people with allergies. There’s so many great recipes out there for a plant based lifestyle but a lot of the recipes rely on nuts.. well, mine don’t. I’ve used no nuts at all. (Tanya’s Vegan Sweet Treats will be available to buy when I figure out how to set it up for sale on my website. Sooo not technical but it will be up this week I promise) There must be so many parent’s out there like myself with children with allergies that are stuck for ideas and through teaching myself how to make things, I can now teach others.

I also realise that we are all human. We see people online and we think ‘their life looks perfect, they’re so perfect etc.. Well actually.. No, people don’t show the ‘wobbly’ bits people choose what they put online and in fact everyone gets nervous, everyone gets stressed, everyone sometimes feels vulnerable and everyone gets pissed off. No matter how much we meditate, how much green tea we drink and how much we do yoga. Thats life!!

Many of us get stuck in a rut with the same story but that brings energy back to the past. What are YOU bringing energy to? Don’t blame someone else because they will answer only for themselves. What can YOU do to change the energy and the story?

What makes you react? We all do it. I’m particularly guilty of this one but if I/you/we keep reacting then all we are doing is putting energy into it and investing in someone else’s illusion.

What keeps YOU in the same story? Change the story. It is up to ourselves to give ourselves the freedom of the things that keep us stuck in the same story.

For me personally, I’m a one man band.. I rely all the time on my own strength. I can do it all myself, I don’t need anyone, it doesn’t matter that I’ve had no sleep in two years, it doesn’t matter that I never get a minutes rest, it doesn’t matter that my bodies not my own and I’ve got a child hanging off my boobs. I’m strong.. me, myself and I. Well although this is true (haha) Actually there is a power out there that is far greater than me and that is the Universe.

It’s time to let go of the anger and resentment. And know that the Universe HAS GOT YOUR BACK! I know this because of where I AM in my life now and everybody has it inside of them to do the same.

Many are called but very few answer. What’s calling YOU? What are YOU holding back and what are YOU afraid of?

I’m changing the vibration, I’m cracked open, I’m willing to be worthy, I have the courage to show my vulnerability and show the real me and I’m showing up as myself!!! Now who the f@*k is with me??!! 🙂

Thank you Hayhouse UK for an incredibly inspiring day!

xoxo Tanya


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